I used to think I had to be perfect to be used by God, and to be honest, I still wrestle with that thought from time to time. How can God use me when I’m still dealing with the circumstances and trials of life? How can I influence anyone or make a difference for the Kingdom when I still make mistakes?
I remember one particular weekend when I almost didn’t serve at church because I felt so unworthy. The devil was for sure trying to attack me and with the perfect way that unfortunately he knows how to do. I’ve been leading worship since high school. That’s over 15 years, and yet, I still have Sundays where I don’t feel good enough to lead people, let alone come to God with my sinful nature.
I bawled for 10 minutes before I had to leave for sound check and I couldn’t stop. All these awful thoughts were running through my mind. I was sick to my stomach. My mascara was running, eyes all puffy, and I had streaks down my cheeks from the tears that cut through that nasty layer of makeup. I looked in the mirror and didn’t like who I saw. Ouch. That’s a scary feeling and I’ve always been so hard on myself.
But then God spoke to me with His tender voice, the voice that I desperately needed in that moment. He said, no, you are a worship leader and it’s your brokenness and your transparent wholehearted desire to keep seeking forgiveness and the Lord’s transformation that sets you apart.
He reminded me that perfect doesn’t exist in us and that God looks at the heart.
He is the only perfect One, and in ALL of His ways, and that is why we need Him to begin with. I’m convinced that people don’t need to see “put together” to be inspired and to see Jesus. And we cannot let the devil’s lies scare us into thinking we are not good enough, that we aren’t called, or that we are too dirty to be used by God.
It doesn’t matter what past you have, what seasons you may be battling, what your kids did, how old you are, or what talents you have; I hope and pray that we never lose sight of this truth:
But you are a CHOSEN people, a ROYAL priesthood, a HOLY nation, God’s SPECIAL possession, that you may declare the praises of Him who called YOU out of darkness into His wonderful light. 1 Peter 2:9